Contact · Knob Assessment Team

Our consultants are standing by, in the sense that they do not exist.

The Knob Assessment Team operates 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from a building with no address, using a phone line that was never connected.

The Emergency Knob Hotline is 1-800-AM-I-KNOB. Dialling it will reach whoever currently owns that number, who is not us and did not agree to this.

Postal enquiries may be sent to Suite 404, The Knob Building, 123 Definitely Real Street, Knobsville. We do not check the mailbox. There is no mailbox.

For anything genuine — a bug, a broken link, a font that will not load — the honest answer is that this is a joke website run by one bloke, and the fastest route is GitHub.

To report suspected knob behaviour in another person, please reconsider. That is between you and them.

Available in 47 languages including Esperanto and Klingon · Response time: never